


void in dawn

by zombiepops



Series: void in dawn [2]
Category: The Rose (Band)
Genre: Dojoon has issues, Dreams and Nightmares, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jaehyeong runs away, M/M, Multi, the others don't know what to do with themselves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-01-27 19:10:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiepops/pseuds/zombiepops
Summary: He places letters to each of them on the kitchen counter, detailing everything he has wanted to say for weeks, some sort of solace so they could get over him and steps through the threshold of the door. He steps out into the hall before he can regret it, before any of their shadowy figures can consume him and convince him of anything other than what he knew he needed. The door creaks to a close, Jaehyeong covering his mouth to stop his hiccuping sobs from being heard throughout the complex. Would they even miss him anyway?No, he decides, they wouldn’t. And, like a flower petal in a turbulent wind, Jaehyeong is gone in a blink of an eye, leaving everything he ever loved behind.
Relationships: Kim Woosung | Sammy/Lee Hajoon | Dylan/Lee Jaehyeong | Jeff/Park Dojoon | Leo
Series: void in dawn [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1323728
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. a flower petal in a turbulent wind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cryystal_m00n](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryystal_m00n/gifts).

> **[Nov 11, 2019]**: posted chapter one and two  
**[Nov 13, 2019]**: updated tags, please read carefully; updated title  
** [Nov 14, 2019]**: posted chapter three; updated tags  
** [Jan 13, 2020]**: minor edits, removed a chapter i accidently put in there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They live in the same apartment yet feel like they’re so far apart, avoiding each other like clockwork--when Hajoon is home, Dojoon is most likely not and vice versa every day. Every day the door shuts with a slam and Jaehyeong can’t help but jump. It feels like avoiding land mines, the way he tip toes around Hajoon and Dojoon’s explosive attitudes. They argue and scream at each other like it was past time, tear at each other until Jaehyeong can’t take it anymore. Jaehyeong couldn’t be the only one noticing that everything seemed to be falling apart at the seams, unstitching right down the center of the fabric that was their love, right? Jaehyeong couldn’t be the only one who’s heart had been shattering into pieces. Residual anger lies within Jaehyeong and Woosung sits, painfully and blissfully unaware of what’s happening to them. 

Jaehyeong is beyond confused. 

He’s confused when Hajoon and Dojoon stop talking, when Woosung comes home way past midnight with a scent on his clothes hadn’t belonged to any of the others--when Jaehyeong realizes that his premonitions that night on the beach were correct. He doesn’t want it to be true, in fact he hopes that everything that he felt deep in his stomach was just a feeling that would go away in the latter half of the month, but it didn’t and Jaehyeong couldn’t pinpoint when everything went wrong. 

They were burning out. They were losing the love that was once so strong it was impossible to break. 

They live in the same apartment yet feel like they’re so far apart, avoiding each other like clockwork--when Hajoon is home, Dojoon is most likely not and vice versa every day. Every day the door shuts with a slam and Jaehyeong can’t help but jump. It feels like avoiding land mines, the way he tip toes around Hajoon and Dojoon’s explosive attitudes. They argue and scream at each other like it was past time, tear at each other until Jaehyeong can’t take it anymore. Jaehyeong couldn’t be the only one noticing that everything seemed to be falling apart at the seams, unstitching right down the center of the fabric that was their love, right? Jaehyeong couldn’t be the only one who’s heart had been shattering into pieces. Residual anger lies within Jaehyeong and Woosung sits, painfully and blissfully unaware of what’s happening to them. 

Woosung, Jaehyeong realizes, isn’t any better. Woosung isn’t arguing, sure, but his silence amplifies all the negative emotions even more. When Woosung comes home he reeks of a floral perfume foreign to the household, taking a seat right in front of the television and says nothing. Jaehyeong wonders how Woosung is always here so late, how he’s never here when Dojoon and Hajoon are really going at it—why he has left Jaehyeong to try and solve all these messed up problems they’ve been having. 

Why does it seem like Woosung doesn’t care about them? That he’s trying to move on? 

It leaves Jaehyeong wondering where he’s been, who he’s been with—is he bored of them? It was Woosung’s idea for everyone to get together in the first place. He’s the mastermind behind this ingenious plan, why is he never here when things get bad? Jaehyeong can’t take this anymore, he can’t live afraid and sad for much longer. 

It’s when Jaehyeong walks out that he understands why everything hurts him so badly. 

It was a Wednesday evening, one bordering the brink of the beginning of the fall season. Everyone was asleep aside from Jaehyeong, the constant nights tossing and turning in his bed lending itself to an insomnia he couldn’t handle. His body was working on autopilot, shoving as much of his stuff that would fit into his baby blue backpack as quietly as possible. Waking up the others would be just what he needed right now--to explain to them why he was packing a bag in the midst of the night would be the worst possible scenario in the long list of scenarios that could play out. 

He goes into Hajoon and Woosung’s room first, smiles at how peaceful they looked holding on toeach other like otters asleep in a stream—like if they let go, they’ll both float off into different directions and never reunite. Hajoon’s features look exquisite in the moonlight and Jaehyeong is rather fascinated by the way the moonlight framed his face, accentuating his angelic features. This is the first time in a very long time that Hajoon’s face hadn’t been contorted in some form of disgust and contempt and Jaehyeong couldn’t help but smile. He hopes that Hajoon could be that way forever: peaceful and happy. 

Woosung, well Woosung looked peaceful, like his normally bright light has dimmed slightly—only to allow him to rest peacefully in the night. Jaehyeong knows in the morning Woosung will burn bright again, knows that his infectious laughter will pierce through even the thickest of skin and make someone smile. Jaehyeong wanted to know when Woosung would be aware that Hajoon and Dojoon need it the most, if he ever noticed at all. 

Then, back to his and Dojoon’s room. Jaehyeong looks at Dojoon fondly, remembering the times they laid together in a messy pile of limbs. They held each other tightly, loved each other intensely and Jaehyeong doesn’t regret it at all. He really doesn’t. Every memory created in the confines of these four walls will stick with him for the rest of his life. He knows that, no matter how hard he’s going to have to try, he’s most likely not going to get over them—his first loves would always have a special place in his heart. Hajoon, Dojoon, and Woosung; they’d always be tucked deep in his heart, they’d always have a place there. 

He wishes he could confirm that he had a special place in theirs, too. 

Jaehyeong just knew everything was waiting to fizzle out and disappear. It wasn’t a matter of if, but rather _when_. 

He presses light kisses light kiss on all three of their foreheads, and heads to the front door. The memories that pour out from the confines of this single apartment rush him—makes him feel everything in waves of love and fondness, but as much as it might pain him to leave he knows something that everyone else seems to be unaware of. 

He has to leave to save himself from the heartbreak and pain that is right around the corner. 

He places letters to each of them on the kitchen counter, detailing everything he has wanted to say for weeks, some sort of solace so they could get over him and steps through the threshold of the door. He steps out into the hall before he can regret it, before any of their shadowy figures can consume him and convince him of anything other than what he knew he needed. The door creaks to a close, Jaehyeong covering his mouth to stop his hiccuping sobs from being heard throughout the complex. Would they even miss him anyway? 

No, he decides, they wouldn’t. And, like a flower petal in a turbulent wind, Jaehyeong is gone in a blink of an eye, leaving everything he ever loved behind. 


	2. the subconscious is the most terrifyingly haunting place in the mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s screaming now and, as it loudly echoes around his skull, he wants it to stop. He wants to know why this is happening to them, but he gets no answers. Jaehyeong is holding both his hands, trying to tell him that he doesn’t have to fight, but Dojoon doesn’t feel him—he can’t feel anything. He can’t move a muscle again and watches as everything crumbles and falls apart. He’s stuck in a loop of watching himself terrorize everyone and everything and he has no power to stop it, stuck floating outside of his body while the black figure takes over again and destroys everything over and over again. Hajoon and Woosung die there because of his words and he can’t do anything about it and when he notices Jaehyeong, he’s gone.
> 
> Now, he’s all alone.

Dojoon has strange dreams. 

Sometimes he’s floating high above the clouds, watching everything in his life pass him by without him being present. Sometimes he’s sitting by the ocean, with waves crashing all around him. Other times he’s in space floating along aimlessly, taking in the beauty of the cosmos. Most of the time though, his dreams were filled with white noise and the warmth from a fireplace—most of the time they were pleasant dreams. 

This dream, however, felt more like a nightmare. He sees a figure in the corner of his vision, walking out the front door of their apartment slowly. He can just barely make out the figure, knows that it’s Jaehyeong from the backpack on his back. Dojoon tries to call out to him, tries to call out Jaehyeong’s name to tell him to come back, but he can’t. His vocal cords aren’t pushing out any sound and, as Jaehyeong retreats even further, he can feel himself suffocating. 

Dojoon’s voice is echoing in his own head. He’s calling out for someone, _anyone_, and not getting any form of response. His body stays put, not being able to move to get to Jaehyeong, and he feels he’s crying but there’s nothing. 

No sound, no movement, no Jaehyeong. 

Suddenly, the scene changes and Dojoon is looking in a mirror, staring at a distorted figure in the mirror. It’s a black shadow of a figure, with red eyes and teeth bared. It’s roughly his height,his build—it’s his anger that tries to keep contained and he knows this. The distortion slowly disappears and leaks out from the mirror now—it’s bleeding out from the confines of the mirror and into Dojoon’s reality. He thinks it’s beelining straight for him, the way it reaches its hand out towards him to point, but it isn’t—it floats out the bathroom door and into the hall, slowly stepping towards Hajoon and Woosung’s room. 

Dojoon tries to tell them, to warn them and tell them to get out of there, but he can’t. He’s stuck in place again, hoping to see them out of the room, but knows that he won’t see them. When he regains control of his body, when he’s able to move, he runs straight for that door and goes in. His voice, _Dojoon’s _voice, comes from the figure. 

_You’re probably too fucked up to give a shit about us right now, Woosung. _

_You can’t do this one thing that I ask right now?_

_Typical bullshit from you Hajoon, as always. _

_How incompetent do you have to be to not understand what I’m saying, Jaehyeong?_

He recognizes those words. 

All the arguments they’ve had, all the back and forth for the past month were in this figure’s—_Dojoon’s_—mouth, spewing them without any remorse. Dojoon wants it to stop. He wants it to stop being so mean to them. They don’t deserve it. He needs to stop. His vocal cords strain with the attempt to tell them he doesn’t mean it, because he doesn’t. Dojoon doesn’t want to see Hajoon and Woosung hurt like this. He doesn’t want them to go under because of the fake words said in anger. 

But he can’t. 

He can only watch helplessly as the figure finishes its attack, lets all of its rage out on Hajoon and Woosung, and can only hope that it turns back to him. He wishes they were retreating characters, like Jaehyeong had been, wishes that he didn’t feel so helpless and saddened. He wishes he didn’t have to watch as the figure claws at them—at Hajoon and Woosung, leaving them to bleed out in the middle of their room and watch the light drain from their eyes. 

He’s screaming now and, as it loudly echoes around his skull, he wants it to stop. He wants to know why this is happening to them, but he gets no answers. Jaehyeong is holding both his hands, trying to tell him that he doesn’t have to fight, but Dojoon doesn’t feel him—he can’t feel anything. He can’t move a muscle again and watches as everything crumbles and falls apart. He’s stuck in a loop of watching himself terrorize everyone and everything and he has no power to stop it, stuck floating outside of his body while the black figure takes over again and destroys everything over and over again.Hajoon and Woosung die there because of his words and he can’t do anything about it and when he notices Jaehyeong, he’s gone. 

Now, he’s all alone. 

Dojoon awakens with a gasp, looking at the digital clock on the nightstand. It read six am, and Dojoon rubs his tired eyes. He fumbles around in the dark for a bit, trying to find the switch for the lamp on the side table so he can turn it on to see around him. He pinches himself to see if he’s awake and it hurts, how hard he’s digging his nails into his skin, and he knows for a fact that this is real. His breathing is labored and his head in his hands. He wants to hide away, that nightmare too vivid for him to go back to sleep, so he switches on the light to get to the door. 

That’s the first nightmare he’s ever had about the nature of their relationship. 

Everything used to be easier, Dojoon realizes, when they were just at arm’s length from each other. Everything used to be easier when they weren’t so caught up in the logistics of their relationship, when they just loved each other without fault. 

Dojoon didn’t know when everything turned into the way it is now, but he knows he hates feeling this way more than anything in the world—like an asshole, a scared asshole. 

Dojoon strolls aimlessly across the room, noticing Jaehyeong’s drawers pulled out and in various sorts of disarray. Half of them are empty. His blue backpack was nowhere to be seen and Dojoon starts to hyperventilate. He scrambles out of the bedroom, opening every single door they had in the apartment to find him. Jaehyeong had to be here somewhere, he just had to. Maybe Jaehyeong was busy, going out to get something real quick and then he’d be back. He had to come back, right?

Maybe he worries a little too much, maybe he’s a little harsh, but he doesn’t intend to do that. Dojoon just strives for perfection, sometimes when it’s a tremendous leap away from where he actually is, and he gets angry when he should talk things out. It’s not the best way to do things, he knows as much because his therapist tells him as such. 

Dojoon doesn’t know why he does it. That’s why it’s so terrifying and haunting. 

“Wake up,” Dojoon says, shaking both Hajoon and Woosung awake. It takes him a while to realize there are tears streaming down his face until Woosung opens his eyes and looks at him, bringing his hand up to brush them away. “We’ve got a problem.” 

“If you’re here to bitch me out about the dishes, Dojoon, give it a fucking rest,” Hajoon replies, “I’ll do them later, it’s too early for this shit to be happening.” Hajoon turns over, face in his pillow and Dojoon glares. If glares could hurt someone he’s a hundred percent sure Hajoon wouldn’t be feeling too good right now. 

“I wouldn’t be personally waking your ass upat five in the morning for the fucking dishes, Hajoon.” Dojoon pinches the bridge of his nose, taking in a deep inhale before realizing something— he’s doing exactly what the figure had been doing in his nightmares. Now that he knows what to look for, he knows he’s doing it again—being angry for the sake of being angry— and he takes a deep breath before continuing. “Where’s Jaehyeong?”  


“He should be asleep,” Woosung yawns, stretching his arms over his head, “Didn’t you see him? Don’t tell me you need stronger glasses, Joon.” 

“He wasn’t in bed when I woke up,” Dojoon replies, “I promise you he’s not there, what would I gain from lying to you guys about something like this? I’m worried about him.” 

“Let’s call him?” Woosung proposes and, as he grabs his phone, Dojoon feels some sort of relief. If they call and Jaehyeong answers, he has to be okay—right? 

He hopes so. 


	3. even in quiet, everything is loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I said, we’ll handle it!” Woosung replies. His fists are balled up, like he’s ready to throw a punch, and Dojoon just doesn’t get the hint. Dojoon just doesn’t understand to stop talking.
> 
> “How can you handle anything this severe if you couldn’t even handle anything while he was here?” Dojoon spits. “How are we gonna find him without even knowing where he could possibly be? And what are you going to do? Avoid the problem?"
> 
> He couldn't even help himself. 
> 
> "We're gonna fucking find him, Dojoon," Woosung yells. He takes a step toward the other. "And I don't give a shit if I have to tear this whole goddamn city apart to do it! What are you going to do? Yell at him for disapp-"
> 
> “Hey!” Hajoon yells, effectively silencing them both. He’s standing in between them, arms stretching out towards the both of them. “Could you guys just stop? Jaehyeong’s missing and all you guys can think about is arguing? Are you serious?”

Dojoon feels unsettled. 

Woosung has been dialing Jaehyeong for the better part of ten minutes, every dial getting significantly more worrisome. The voicemail tone taunts him It felt like they were cut off, like a part of him just got up and left. 

_Hey, it’s Jaehyeong. If you’re hearing this, my phone is probably dead. Sorry. I’ll try to call you back and if Woosung, Dojoon, or Hajoon are calling see you soon loves. _

When Woosung calls yet again they get same response. Nothing but Jaehyeong’s voicemail message and uncertainty. Every ring feels even more drawn out, like they had been waiting forever. Dojoon feels the pressure pressing down on his chest, pressing so hard that it becomes unbearable. It hurts so bad, and Dojoon can feel himself shaking with anxiety. 

Dojoon had always been counting the possibilities, the what-ifs, of every single life scenario. He weighed every decision on his moral balance beam up until the past month and took it out on the people he cared about. And knowing that could very well be why Jaehyeong isn’t with them? 

_Hey, it’s Jaehyeong. If you’re hearing this—_

It feels like torture. 

He feels responsible. In a way, he knows he is. 

With all the what-ifs, the ‘I don’t know’ and the worst case scenarios running through his chest, Dojoon feels like his rib cage is caving on on itself. “Maybe if you call Jae and Brian, Woosung,” Dojoon panics, “I-I mean, maybe he might be crashing at their place? He _has_ to be there.”

“Hey, Dojoon, look at me,” Woosung says.Woosung was always calm, always serene and peaceful, and in this moment, Dojoon hates it so much. How is Woosung always so calm? _Why _is he being calm in this moment? Does he care? “We’ll sort everything out.” Dojoon turns away, cradling his head in his hands. “Dojoon, babe, I promise I’ll do everything I can.” 

He doesn’t want to hear that. Dojoon doesn’t want there to be a maybe. He wants there to be an answer, a solid answer for once. 

“But was is everything you can do?” 

“I can call Jae and Brian, see if he’s crashing there,” Woosung replies. “I can see if Matthew and Taehyung know anything either. He has to be crashing with someone we know. ”

“And what if it’s not good enough?” Dojoon replies. He’s half a decibel away from full out yelling. “Have you ever considered the fact that he’s hardly been here for a year, Woosung? He hardly speaks English and he doesn’t have anyone out here but us! And now he’s gone!” 

“But we’ll take care of it.” 

“Will we? Or are we just going wait until something happens to him? Until he shows up in a news report because we never did anything!”

“I said, we’ll handle it!” Woosung replies. His fists are balled up, like he’s ready to throw a punch, and Dojoon just doesn’t get the hint. Dojoon just doesn’t understand to stop talking. 

“How can you handle anything this severe if you couldn’t even handle anything while he was here?” Dojoon spits. “How are we gonna find him without even knowing where he could possibly be? And what are you going to do? Avoid the problem?"

He couldn't even help himself. 

"We're gonna fucking find him, Dojoon," Woosung yells. He takes a step toward the other. "And I don't give a shit if I have to tear this whole goddamn city apart to do it! What are you going to do? Yell at him for disapp-"

“Hey!” Hajoon yells, effectively silencing them both. He’s standing in between them, arms stretching out towards the both of them. “Could you guys just stop? Jaehyeong’s missing and all you guys can think about is arguing? Are you serious?” 

Hajoon looks up at the both of them with disgust. 

“I’m happy it’s not me this time, but maybe,” Hajoon sighs and Woosung steps out. Dojoon can hear im rummaging through his desk drawer, possibly looking for the charger to his phone amongst other things. Hajoon turns on his heel, facing the hallway to the bedrooms. “This is why he’s gone.” Hajoon walks towards where Woosung had retreated off to, locking the door with a click. "All we've been doing is fighting for the latter half of two months, are we even good for each other anymore? No wonder he's gone."

That stings, but there’s truth to Hajoon’s words.

It hits Woosung first, from what Woosung walks quickly into the bathroom, the lock of the door clicking loudly. The sound seems to echo in Dojoon’s ears, getting louder with every thought. Dojoon could’ve sworn that Jaehyeong was with him, laying peacefully on his bed. Dojoon could have sworn that everything was alright. So, when he hears Jaehyeong's voicemail through the speaker of his phone he's at a loss for words. 

_Hey, it’s Jaehyeong. _

Nobody can just get up and disappear like this. Someone has to know where Jaehyeong is. 

The conversation between Woosung and Jae seems like it took ages to complete, every word timed to the loud beating of his heart in his chest. Dojoon wishes that he knew what was going on, that he could hear what they were whispering about behind the closed white door.Dojoon hears a dialing sound, an automated voice one more time, and the lock opening. 

“He’s not with them,” Woosung speak. He's stern and urgent, expressive in the likes that Dojoon and Hajoon had never seen before. “Matthew isn’t picking up right now. We need to go out and look for him. Hajoon, find the keys to the car. We’re losing daylight—” Dojoon is quick to grab his shoes,sliding them on as quickly as humanly possible. He knows Woosung is glaring at him, can feel it on the back of his neck

“Are you guys going to be fine toget—” Hajoon starts and both he and Woosung glare at him. “I’ll go get the keys from the kitchen.”

Dojoon looks at Woosung. He’s never seen Woosung so scared before. Hell, Woosung has never been this _expressive_ with him before either. It’s feels like watching someone completely break down, which is what he was doing but that was beside the point. Dojoon reaches for Woosung’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze even though he wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but Woosung jerks away from him. He places his hand in his pocket. 

The calm and serene band-aid he's catered his wounds with look weathered, old and crusty leaving his wounds ripped open and infected with fear. Dojoon has never seen that look on Woosung’s face before. 

“Hey guys,” they both hear Hajoon call from the kitchen, “There’s something that I think you need to see.” Dojoon is in his room when Hajoon calls out and he rushes over to the sound of Hajoon’s voice. “He left us letters.”

For the first time in a very long time, Dojoon could say that they were all terrified of the possible outcomes of this. 

“Is he—” Hajoon starts. Woosung sees Hajoon shaking. “He’s not going to do what I think he is, right?”Collapsing on to the couch, body in a fit of intense tremors—Dojoon has never seen Hajoon this way. So broken, Dojoon thinks before Woosung cradles the youngest in his arms. 

“No,” Woosung says, “We’re going to find him first, Hajoon. Nothing bad is going to happen to him, as long as I’m on this goddamn planet nothing bad will happen to any of you.” Woosung lets go and Dojoon almost immediately takes his place. He’s stroking Hajoon’s hair and he takes note: this is the first time in months that he and Hajoon have been close like this. He’s leaning into Dojoon’s touch and, even in the midst of possible catastrophe, Dojoon still finds him beautiful. Dojoon finds himself regretful as well, resentful at the fact that he’d let himself go emotionally unchecked for months and lashed out on Hajoon and Woosung. And it’s because of that exact lapse in judgment that Jaehyeong possibly left. 

“And that includes Jaehyeong, where ever he finds himself.” Dojoon says. “Nothing is going to happen.” There’s a light kiss placed on his head. Despite the nervous feeling creeping its way back into his chest, Dojoon pauses. He squeezes Hajoon tightly, not wanting to let him go. 

“Are we going to open them?” Hajoon whispers. Dojoon presses him close,should’ve known that his dream was trying to tell him something. “Before we head out. Or in the car or _something_. There has to be a reason in here.” 

As Woosung passes the letters out, a sense of uneasiness fills the room. There’s a deafening silence that permeates but, even in the quiet, Dojoon thinks everything is far too loud. 


	4. peace, love, and calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s spent much of his early twenties loving those three, he wasn’t sure if he could just stop it all in one go. Jaehyeong knows it’s going to take some time. He knows it’s going to take some distance and some time, but in some twisted way—Jaehyeong wants them to find him. He wants them to hold him tight, to make him feel better like they normally always did. He wants to feel secure in Dojoon’s arms again, wants to see Woosung smile brightly again, wants Hajoon to spare him a glance.Jaehyeong just wants to feel alright again. He wants everything to go back to the way it was before, when they were just starting out and happy together. Jaehyeong wants everything to be like the first time, wants everything to be peaceful and calm and loving again.

Jaehyeong feels like he looks insane.

His hair is unkempt, sticking up in various different directions. His face is red and swollen and he’s dragging his feet behind him, on the verge of stumbling over from lack of sleep but he keeps pushing on—he’ll get far enough away eventually, but he was too close at the moment. Too easily found.

Jaehyeong looks all around him, looks at the countless buildings and the countless small shops that he knows for a fact that he’s been in—whether it be on dates or when he would explore with one of the others, the familiarity made his heart fill with simultaneous joy and sadness. There was the arcade where they had their first date, the park where Dojoon asked him to be part of their relationship—hands full of roses that Jaehyeong found all too endearing.

Everything reminded him of them.

He feels lost, doesn’t know what to do, and now that he’s almost two hours in the opposite direction of his home he realizes how difficult this actually going to be. His stomach growls and it reminds him that he hasn’t had any food in the past few hours.

It feels like someone’s stuck a knife into his abdomen, twisting it so much that all he can feel is the pain and not much else. It’s sad, isn’t it? Hoping for everything to be alright no matter how much you’re hurting? Hoping that the others can move on, find their happiness without him. Jaehyeong isn’t even sure if _he’ll_ be able to do that, so he’s not sure how much more the other three would be able to do.

But, even amongst all the hurt and shame, Jaehyeong wants nothing but the best for them: for Hajoon, Dojoon, and Woosung. 

He’s spent much of his early twenties loving those three, he wasn’t sure if he could just stop it all in one go. Jaehyeong knows it’s going to take some time. He knows it’s going to take some distance and some time, but in some twisted way—Jaehyeong wants them to find him. He wants them to hold him tight, to make him feel better like they normally always did. He wants to feel secure in Dojoon’s arms again, wants to see Woosung smile brightly again, wants Hajoon to spare him a glance.Jaehyeong just wants to feel alright again. He wants everything to go back to the way it was before, when they were just starting out and happy together. Jaehyeong wants everything to be like the first time, wants everything to be peaceful and calm and loving again.

He sighs, but he knows the chances are slim to none—and even if something did change, he’d never know about it.

That’s what happens when you leave without a trace, never to be found again. That's what happens when you decide enough is enough. 

His notifications on his phone blow up and he has a feeling on who it is, so he ignores them.

_(1) missed call from: Hajoon _🐱 ❤️_._

_(2) missed calls from: Dojoon _🐶 ❤️_._

_(5) missed calls from: Woo-hyung _🐰 💕_._

He wonders if they’ll forget about him. If they’ll go on with their lives like he was never there and be happy. He wonders if he truly was needed or if he was just taking up space. Even as the calls keep coming in, he doubts that he was _that _important to them in the grand scheme of things.Detrimental thoughts swirl through his head and he tries to calm himself down before he starts crying but to no avail.

He can feel the tears streaming down his cheeks.

His mother had always told him that respect is one of the fundamental pillars of a relationship. That and trust, two things that Jaehyeong held so close to him that shattered so quickly. Something promised that was broken in an instant. Something so precious, gone within a matter of months. What could he do other than mourn the loss of a relationship so important to him they occupied his every thought? What could he do other than wonder what he was going to do now that they were falling apart at the seams?

What could he do other than wonder why everything turned to shit the moment he got thrown into the mix? Every. Single. Time.

It hits him rather abruptly, not hearing Dojoon’s raspy morning voice almost directly in his ear in the morning, or smelling Hajoon’s attempts of making breakfast.He’s never going to see Woosung’s bed hair or hear him singing slow songs in the bathroom while he’s taking a shower. They’re never going to play as a band again like they did when everything was happier.

Every bit of normalcy in his life was gone the minute he stepped out of the front door and the realization of it all makes him feel dizzy. He stops, steadying himself on a concrete pillar, and hears someone calling to him. He looks around to find the voice and sees her—a woman with long black hair and an apron tied around her waist—looking back at him.

“Hey love, are you alright?” she asks, outreaching her hand to him.

“I-”

“I’m the manager of the restaurant across the street.” She helps him balance himself, gripping his arm tightly as to not let him fall.“Are you hungry? Let’s get you something to eat,” the kind stranger says and Jaehyeong can see the little drips of gochujang paste on her apron. It reminds him, yet again, that he’s starving and so, Jaehyeong follows her into the small restaurant. The smell of Korean cuisine makes his stomach growl loudly, and he looks at the floor. He’s ashamed and feels like a charity case bothering this lady during business hours. “I’ll whip up some kimchi jjigae and bring out some rice for you to eat—“

He pats around, feeling for his wallet that he couldn’t find. He searches in his bag and, when he can’t find it, he sighs. “Ah, I don’t have the money—”

“Nonsense, you think I’m going to make you pay when you look like you’re starving?” The lady asks, “What’s your name, sweetpea?” 

“J-Jaehyeong,” he stutters out and she smiles at him.

“Well, Jaehyeong, my name is Luna and I’ll have your food done in fifteen minutes, no charge.”


End file.
